We’re not talking major life events or anything here, I’ll save those stories for another day. These are a few small things that made me more aware of the fact that I needed to get professional help and that from a mental health standpoint things were starting to move in the wrong direction.
- I bought and ate a sandwich at work, and without even thinking put the plastic wrapper it came in inside my water bottle. I don’t know why and I have no memory of this, perhaps I wanted to throw it away when I refilled my bottle. Problem is I didn’t do it right away, and ended up refilling the bottle, only to find the plastic wrapper inside the bottle at the end of the day when I refilled again. Pretty strange and fairly gross that I drank from the bottle all day.
- One night I was doing dishes at home and walked over to the cupboard to grab something, only to literally find myself staring inside the cupboard for 10 minutes, trying to figure out what I was looking for. I still don’t know what I was trying to get and it was incredibly frustrating and demoralising.
- Sitting at a restaurant, and picking up salt to put on my scrambled egg, only to be distracted by my phone vibrating, and putting it down. When I realised I hadn’t used the salt (just a few seconds later), I grabbed the pepper instead, and threw that on, only to realise the salt was still right in front of me. I know, I know, at least it was pepper, but it could just as well have been sugar, or one of the other condiments on the table.
- Thinking back now, I also recall throwing boiling water into my cereal rather than in my coffee cup one morning last year. I could at least laugh at this one a little and even joked about it to my colleagues at some point, but still, it had to have been a way for my mind to start telling me that I was starting to run on empty.
- A friend at work asked if she could drive behind me to a pub we were all going to after work on a Friday. I left the office with full intentions to wait for her outside so she could get into her car and follow me, but as I drove past I just carried on driving, even waving goodbye to her in my rear view mirror, completely oblivious that we had just made plans for her to drive behind me. That one I will however attribute to a bit of Friday brain, but still rather alarming if you consider that most of my friends refer to me as someone they can always depend on. I didn’t know what to say to her when we got to the pub, hell, I only recalled that I had made the promise once she had brought it up!
On the surface these five things don’t seem to be too serious, but in essence the forgetfulness and general strange behaviour was a strong indicator that something was not quite right, especially for a highly driven, type A personality such as myself. Luckily, I can reflect on these experience now from a point of recovery, keeping in mind that I’ll be able to spot this kind of behaviour in future, which will hopefully give me a little bit more power and time to make changes when I exhibit similar symptoms during the ebbs and flows of life in general.
Have you experienced something similar? If so, please consider speaking to someone about it and reach out to a medical professional if you’re at a point where it is becoming debilitating, regardless of which which sphere of your life it is happening in.
Conrad was here.