For one, I was a lot less anxious than going into the first consultation. Perhaps this was because I knew what to expect this time around, had met the doctor before and actually woke up feeling a whole lot better than the last time I had to get myself out of bed to admit I was depressed.
You still have these unsettling doubts though, that the doctor is going to switch up your medication, tell you you’ve been doing a bad job prioritising your recovery and leave you to get on with dealing with it. At least that’s what my depression tried to convince me it would be like. Naturally, in reality this wasn’t the case at all, and I had some valuable learnings from the experience which I wanted to share with you today.
- If you speak honestly about what you’ve been experiencing, a GP can help you more. I opened up about my loss of appetite and feeling like a walking zombie when I combine the anti-depressant with the anxiety medication, which we could address once I had put it on the table. It turns out that only happens to a small percentage of people, especially with the brands I am on, which I was surprised to learn. I haven’t taken an anxiety tablet for a few days and I’m coping fine, so the recommendation is to leave them and just focus on the anti-depressant for now. What this means is that I only have to take one tablet a day, which is a winner in my books. It also got me thinking: If I take an anxiety tablet systematically when feeling anxious and highly stressed, is that not the same as reaching for a beer after a long day? It’s all about the how, not necessarily the what. I don’t need more bad coping mechanisms. I’d prefer to focus my energy on positive ones, like writing, walking on the beach, reading my book or cooking a healthy meal.
- Loss of appetite and fluctuating energy levels are part of the first couple of weeks on Nuzak. The doctor told me to expect the loss of appetite to subside by month 3 (after 8 weeks), not any sooner. This was reassuring as I had been wondering if my system was actually rejecting the medication but this isn’t the case. I now have a framework of what to work with and what to expect, which does really help me, and I’m happy to know that this is mostly a phase that comes with the territory when you start on anti-depressants and particularly this kind of medication.
- You don’t have to buy all your meds in one batch. While I don’t have to see her again for a consultation until the end of the script (December), I could arrange with the dispensary that I come collect and pay for the medication each month. As I’ve never been on chronic medication, I thought you had to pay for it all upfront, which was a point of anxiety for me. Call me naive if you want, but I imagine other people wonder the same thing. Bottom line, is that you get to dictate when and how you collect your meds, which I thought was pretty cool, and reassured me that I did actually have some element of control in a process which is largely uncontrollable.
- This is only the beginning. She was pleased with the lifestyle changes I had made, and commented that it seemed like things were going better with me (“You smiled at me when you greeted me this time”). She did remind me that this is only the beginning though, and that the SSRI’s will “level out” (peak) at the 6 week mark only, so we’re still building the levels of serotonin in the brain. She told me to be patient, and that the lifestyle changes now might not have immediate positive benefits, but that in six months they definitely will. The alcohol abstinence, for example, does wonders not only for my mood, but for my liver, which took a hammering in my 20’s. I really, really, really don’t want to be 35 and suffering from liver disease (there are some really interesting documentaries about this on Youtube, if you want to learn more).
- I’ll be on medication for the rest of the year, and I’ve come to terms with that. Like I mentioned, she’d like me to see her again early in December, for us to discuss how I’ll be reducing the dosage going into January, so that ultimately I can (hopefully) be completely off’ the anti-depressant by February next year. That’s the goal for now, and it is a fluid one. Situations change, my body could respond differently to the medication a day, week or month from now, but it does seem like there is a bit more clarity about the process now and I am happy to proceed with the framework for the rest of the year. While it seems like a long time away, it really isn’t that far away, and also gives me a bit of a benchmark and a goal to work towards.
The ship is slowly starting to steady and even though I’m aware that we’re still in the early days, I’m starting to feel more of a glimmer of hope about the future again, and quite frankly, heading in a new direction that I know can only bring me better things. Let’s keep the conversation (and the momentum) going as we look towards August.
Conrad was here.